After a long day at work, irritated by the beads of sweat I felt trickling down my back and forehead, I wandered home. It was still oppressively warm with damp heat penetrating every part of my clothes. I picked up a 9-roll pack of Andrex and two bottles of wine. When I arrived back at our rented house there was a package in the porch. I knew who it was from immediately. I recognised the hand-writing.
When I opened the parcel, my eyes were drawn to the back of a book. The words I read included the following:
“…it is [his] discovery of women – a fresher and wilder pleasure than books – which drives him irrevocably off course. His frustrated ambition for an academic life becomes lost in his sexual appetite for the enticing Arabella and his spiritual need for Sue.…”
I recognised the author instantly, although I do not believe I have read this particular story. Inside on the front cover was a personal message from my hummingbird. It’s so personal, I don’t wish to share it. His message to me alone. But I will say this, it told me that he wants me to understand him. My hummingbird wants me to understand him.
He didn’t start his message with “Dear Jenna”…he started it with “Beautiful”, and then his personal message began. It felt like an enormous embrace from a man who knows I have him firmly embedded in my heart. That piece of string that ties my heart to his and stretches over an ocean was tugging. I went into my bedroom and lay on the floor and wept, as I miss him profoundly.
It’s not just about lust and erotic experiences…it is love.
My dazzling hummingbird…I love you.