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PERSONAL

He Took My Breath Away

MY FIRST LOVE

To give you a satisfying explanation on this subject, I am going to ignore the numerous crushes I had on boys at school for this one. I am going to skip the boyfriends I had when I was too young to know what love was. Ben and I are in love. I say that with confidence. There is only one other man who I have really loved, and although I met Ben before him, it took Ben and I a while to get our game on.

Several years ago, I was going through a lousy run when it came to dating. I kept meeting men who were not right for me and maybe I wasn’t right for them either. (Ben as an outsider, presumed I was sleeping with all those men, but I was not. Eventually I am going to get around to writing about Ben’s stalling, but it turned out that despite having set his sights on me, he was jealous and was under the misapprehension that I was sleeping with everything in trousers.) I had not had sex for a long time because these dates were all ending badly. I was just on the brink of that age or stage where you start to lose hope that you are ever going to find someone to fall in love with. I went out for coffee or for a meal with a lot of men and did not hit it off with any of them. Looking back, I think the problem was me. I did not know what I wanted.

To cheer myself I used some annual leave to go on vacation. One night I went to a bar on my own. I was wearing a pretty dress and was hoping to meet someone to have some fun with. Yet, it was the wrong bar, full of family groups on vacation. I felt totally out of place. I have lived in some big cities and I was used to being able to go into a bar and find men to flirt with, but not that night. I was bored after an hour.

Drink, Alcohol, Wine, Glass, Beverage

Eventually I felt so conspicuous that I was the only person floating around unattached, I wanted to leave. In the couple of hours I had been there I had already had a few drinks, and I even remember exactly what I drank that night. I was feeling low. I decided to head back to the safety of my hotel and carry on drinking my sorrows away. I did not usually drink liquor, but I was on vacation and wanted to let my hair down. But on the way back to the hotel there was a movie theatre. I still don’t know why I decided to go in. Perhaps I just could not face being alone.

I ended sitting in a huge auditorium on my own. With all the bars, restaurants and arcades nearby, nobody seemed interested in watching a movie. The film was just about to start when I saw someone appear in the dark and start walking up the steps. He was looking around at the empty seats and then he saw me. I don’t know why he headed in my direction, but he did.

My memory still wonders what the hell happened that night. What the hell did he say to make me relaxed with him? Yes, he seemed good looking, but it was dark. We were not chatting for long before he grabbed my hand. All I know is that not much time passed before we were making out and he was feeling me up. He came back to the hotel and we had the best sex I had ever had up to that point.

That is how I met the guy who inspired the character “Simon” who makes his appearance in the sequel of our two romantic novellas. I have already written posts about him on this site and I am sure I will write more – he is the hummingbird who did not want to commit. Despite knowing that, I fell in love. I fell in real love for the first time in my life. I tried to capture what it was like when I was working on the storyline. He was the most exciting man I had ever met, he really did take my breath away.

Despite his lack of faithfulness, I loved him and we shared some fantastic times together. He is so interesting and I felt that time with him was an adventure I desperately needed. The conversations we had, the experiences we shared, the intoxicating lustful romance that never dampened are all carved on my memory and are a part of who I am. In using him as the inspiration for “Simon”, I tried to capture all the excitement as well as the agony involved in my first experience of love.

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