I have never struggled with an awareness of self. I think at a young age I developed quite a strong character and that inner strength has always been there. I was talking to a friend today about my life at school. I was not there to make friends. I did make friends. But I was never the kind of kid who was going to be pressured to do something I didn’t want to. I had a best friend who was very sweet and because of her I developed new hobbies and styles of dress. But the kids who were in a little gang who thought they could rule the school did not intimidate me one bit.
I remember one time when they were bullying another kid. I stood up for this kid, and they backed off. I was taller than they were and although I would never have laid a finger on them, I could stare them down. A few weeks later, they cornered me. They were threatening me. Because I would not cave in to their threats, they began kicking and punching me. I stood there with my hands on my hips taking every blow. I did not flinch. I laughed scornfully and said, “You cannot hurt me”. I never had any problems again. I used to look at them and laugh.
Despite having a steely character, I have a very soft temperament. I am like a Daim Bar or a Dime Bar…soft, sweet, chocolate, that melts in your mouth. Inside hard and crunchy.
Ben is laughing. But it is true. I don’t like being pushed around, pressured, intimidated. If someone likes to lord it over me, I stand up to them. When I meet someone I love, like my best friend at school, like all my best friends, like my lovers, like my parents, like most of my bosses I choose, completely of my own volition, to submit to them. I choose my head. I choose my leader. I choose who to submit to. There are many many people out there who I do not believe deserve submission.
How am I submissive? In a work environment, I will always do those tasks nobody else wants to do. I am all for teamwork and supporting the boss. I like to make my manager’s job easier. Even though I often am a project manager, I believe that you should never ask someone else to do a task you are not prepared to do yourself. So if the bin is full (the cleaners come in each evening) I will empty it and replace the bin liner. I expect everyone to be willing to do chores like that. It makes me mad when people think they are too important or overqualified to do menial tasks.
Submissive in friendships. Yeah. I like seeing my friends happy. So I think on the whole, I have turned out to be more of a giver than a taker (says me, maybe you should ask my friends). I think it is my default mode to ask my friends what they want to do, where they want to go and go with their choice. I like seeing them enjoying themselves. I like surprising them with little treats to let them know I was thinking of them. If ever I think one of my friends is not themselves, I will be on the phone, sometimes for hours listening to them. I like being a friend. I am not always great with advice. But I figure, sometimes people don’t want advice as much as they want to know someone cares and is willing to listen.
At home with Ben – am I submissive? I think so. Ben said he should be answering this question. My view is, he and I are a duo, a double act, a partnership. He has a very demanding job. I know how hard he works. He is also very caring. I love him for that. I take every opportunity I can to be a support to him. I feel like his sidekick. All the housekeeping and laundry at home, and most of the cooking, is something I willing view as my responsibility. Ben will automatically do something if he thinks it will help. Like, I never ask him, but he always puts the garbage and recycling out the night before they are collected. He always replaces the toilet roll when he uses the last few pieces. There are so many things he does and I do notice them. I know he does not take it for granted that I clean and shop for groceries and press his shirts, as well as working full time. His job never really stops. He often gets phone calls at night he has to get up and answer. Work can be intense. Suddenly he can be told he has to get on a plane the next day (any posting for more than two weeks and I go with him). I just try to make his life as easy as possible and I am confident he appreciates it.
How about in bed? Am I submissive? Well, after reading the posts of a lot of self-proclaimed submissives who are writing openly about their relationships, I am starting to think I am nowhere near as submissive as I thought. Ben and I have a lot of fun. We both love sex and foreplay. He loves roleplay and acting out little fantasy scenarios. We have a giggle, and we have a great time. Sometimes the roleplay has involved some dressing up. We have a few “kinky” (and I use that word in a tame sense) toys like blindfolds, handcuffs and masks. But they just make our playtime more of a game. Ben likes occasionally spanking me, especially when I am deliberately cheeky, but there is no infliction of pain. It is more an erotic spanking, and a surrendering to him. I am not trying to sound critical of anyone else’s relationship, but I found it hard to read some articles recently.
Who takes the lead in the bedroom? I would say Ben. He thought about that and nodded. He has all the ideas, I cooperate to make fantasies realities. He is the one who normally has the urge and comes to find me when I am preparing lunch or hanging out our laundry, or working on a report…and he will physically intervene, interrupt and start making it clear that he wants my attention. I always submit. Whatever I am doing is on hold until Ben and I have had our playtime. Do we have sex everyday? No. Do we kiss everyday? Yes. Do we touch each other everyday? Yes. There is always some caressing and fondling. Since we have been together, there has never been a day we have been physically together when we did not get frisky at some point (Ben had to go overseas without me twice for longer posts and for several other short term assignments).
I am Ben’s little sex kitten. He waited a long time, getting to know me carefully before he finally made his move. But when he did, it was obvious Ben was seriously into sex. If someone has a pet, not a day goes by when you don’t have some contact. I believe a relationship should have that attention even more so. I think part of being a couple is fulfilling each other’s needs, giving to each other, exciting each other. We don’t really argue, Ben is a very chilled and caring person, not much rattles me, but we have had very occasional squabbles. I can be a handful at times! Ben can tame me very quickly though. Ben won’t let us sleep before we have sorted it out. He has a theory that you can’t argue with someone when they are naked. Most squabbles have been because I was hormonal and moody and Ben was exhausted and moody. But we always sort it out and end up being affectionate…and then the “sorry I hurt you, can I shag you now to make sure we are alright?” mentality kicks in. We always resolve things.
Am I submissive? Well, after reading the accounts of other submissives, I don’t think I am in the same sense. Yes, I love feeling like Ben’s little servant in some ways. But I have my limits. I might be soft, sweet, chocolate, melt in your mouth…but I have an inner strength that will resist if I can no longer respect you. Ben has won my love, my respect and my willing submission, but I have a very strong sense of who I am and what I would allow to happen to my body. I am not one to be pressured, coerced, persuaded or intimidated. I can be as stubborn as that little girl in the playground who allowed a bunch of bullies to strike her and laughed in their faces. I only submit to people I love and respect. But should they lose that respect…I am so outta here!
Ben just kissed me and said that is very important. Please excuse me, the sex kitten within me is purring. I have the sudden desire to pounce on him and make love to every inch of his Irish Greek chiseled body – did I ever tell you how hot ben is?
I will leave you with this thought. Ben waited a long time for me. He did not make clear he was interested, so I dated a lot of other guys (only dates, I was not sleeping with them as Ben presumed) and I was in two serious relationships, and Ben watched all that from afar and was jealous (I love that Ben did not disagree with that). Now, he and I are together and it is awesome. He treats me like a prize and I have never felt so loved and so willing to serve and submit. The dynamics are great. We both know we are never going to find another like…as Tay Tay and Brendon say…ME-E-E-EH!