Categories
fantasy fiction

Ruthless Reflections

ADVISORY NOTE: Content for ADULTS ONLY. Contains explicit references to sexual activity. Also contains references to eating disorders that may be provoking for some readers.

REFLECTIONS

Charlotte used to hate catching sight of her reflection in the windows of department stores as she was passing. Her eyes would be drawn to her protruding tummy, her stumpy legs, her straggly hair. At home when she dressed for her day at work, she could not bear to view herself in the mirror, just checking quickly to determine if her parting was straight, and if there were any remnants of toothpaste on her lips.

For years Charlotte struggled with self-esteem. She despised the way she looked. She suffered from dysmorphia and punished her own body by fasting and working out intensely. As a result she always looked tired and her body became slightly haggard. Despite her strict self-discipline, Charlotte did not seem to attract positive attention. Her female colleagues would make snide comments about her skinniness.

Model, Woman, Young Model, Fashion

Eventually Charlotte lost motivation. She gave up hope of someone finding her attractive and developing a romantic interest in her. Her former punitive habits disappeared gradually. She began to find comfort in food. Doughnuts, cheesecake, tacos and all manner of treats that would never have crossed her lips before became a source of pleasure to her. Charlotte had to go out and buy new clothes as her former wardrobe was becoming too tight to wear.

Ross noticed Charlotte was putting on weight. He made an inappropriate remark in the canteen one day, that she had curves in all the right places. What he had intended as a compliment actually had a devastating effect on her confidence. Charlotte left work early as she could not stem her tears. A colleague who had overheard the comment Ross had made and witnessed the reaction from Charlotte decided to tell Ross he had been a jerk. Ross was baffled. At first he dismissed the situation as a woman being overly-hormonal.

Over the weekend Ross thought about Charlotte. He enjoyed ogling at Charlotte’s voluptuous shape, but perhaps she didn’t appreciate direct comments. Still Ross was not deterred. Charlotte was looking very shaggable these days, and he fancied his chances at getting into her knickers. Perhaps he needed to utilise his charms. He wrote a note to her, intending to leave it on her desk on Monday morning.

Man, Portrait, Black And White

When Charlotte read the note, she was bewildered, but inwardly excited. Ross has begun with an apology over causing her embarrassment. He then stated that he opened his mouth before thinking in pointing out the obvious, that she was perfect. He acknowledged that was wrong of him in a working environment, but he had meant it as a sincere compliment. Then he ended his note presenting two alternatives. If he was bothering Charlotte and causing her to feel offended or uncomfortable he promised he would back off, but he also told her that he would love to take her out for a drink to get to know her better.

It was a whole month later that Charlotte finally accepted the offer of going our for a drink with Ross. That evening she made herself feel sick with nerves. She despised seeing herself in the mirror as she put on a black dress to go out in. All she saw was ugly faults, a repulsive body and a horrid deformed face. That’s not what Ross saw when Charlotte walked into the bar. He bought Charlotte a white wine and soda and he sipped on a bottle of beer. She seemed so shy and awkward. Her bashfulness made her even more desirable to Ross. How he would like to peel off that dress of hers. But Charlotte was so on edge. Nothing a few tequila shots could not remedy.

White, Black, Art, Women, Girl, Model

Later that evening, Ross and Charlotte climbed into a cab and headed back to Ross’ apartment. The dress was soon flung onto the floor and Ross was able to explore every inch of Charlotte’s delightful curves. Her bootylicious boobylicious body aroused him and he was fully satisfied with the way that night went. When Charlotte woke the next morning, she found it hard to remember anything that happened. She was amazed to find she was laying next to Ross. Realizing that they must have spent the night together, she felt butterflies within her tummy. But as the stark morning light spewed through the blinds, Charlotte was gripped by fear. Perhaps Ross had only seen her in the dim evening light. Now in the brightness of morning, he would find her disgusting and wonder how he had ended up sleeping with her. That was why Charlotte gathered her clothes and silently made her way out of his apartment before Ross woke.

Ross sent Charlotte a text message later than morning thanking her for an amazing night and asking her if she was alright. Charlotte was thrilled with his message but terrified to reply. It took her hours to respond with a message to confirm to Ross that she was happy. Ross immediately sent another text asking when he could see Charlotte again. That was a question Charlotte was reluctant to answer. As much as she was overjoyed that a man had finally found her attractive enough to take her on a date and then take her back to his place, Charlotte was sure it was a one-off. Every time she caught sight of those ruthless reflection that same cruel torment recurred. All she saw was a revolting, overweight, monstrous body topped by a despicable face. She found it hard to understand why Ross had ever asked her out to begin with.

People, Man, Woman, Couple

Deep within her, Charlotte wanted to believe she could be attractive. She truly did want to go on another date with Ross. But her emotions played games with her. She would order lingerie online. When it was delivered to her home, she would try it on and the feel devastated by the ridiculous reflection she regarded. Charlotte stopped eating again. In addition she started to go to the gym daily, pushing her body in her quest to rid herself of all the weight she had put on during her comfort eating phase.

Ross could not possibly have any idea of what he was dealing with. He thought Charlotte was just playing hard to get. When she made up excuses about why she could not meet him for a second date, he became more determined to chase her. But as weeks and months passed, Charlotte seemed to be losing her sparkle. Those gorgeous curves that he found so erotic were drowned by clothes which were now too big for her. When Charlotte went out to replace her clothes with smaller sizes, Ross saw how much more slender she had become. Where was the plump behind that he had grabbed when they had sex at his place? Where were the round breasts that he had caressed and fondled? Charlotte did not seem to have an interest in seeing him again. He started to lose interest in her.

Ross returned to looking at photos of women on Tinder. He arranged to meet Sharon for a drink. When Sharon arrived, Ross noticed her heavy bosom and round thighs. Sharon had a smile as that was almost as wide as her girth. She was bubbly and confident. After a few drinks, Ross asked Sharon if she would like to go somewhere quieter. She threw her head back and laughter escaped her lips, “Boy, you have to work harder to win this prize!” Ross and Sharon dated for a couple for months before he finally had his way with her. Sharon was so much fun in bed. She was a large lady, but was very secure and knew how to excite Ross. He was completely smitten with her.

Sexy, Woman, Girl, Beauty, Portrait

Ross and Sharon dated for a year before he decided he had found his queen. He loved her curvaceous body and her confident demeanour. He loved her laughter and her smiles. He loved her cooking and her sexy choice of clothing. Ross knew she was the one for him. After their wedding in the Caribbean, he was proud to feature a framed photograph of his bride in her Size 22 wedding dress. She was gorgeous.

Charlotte met Todd down at the gym. Todd was training for the New York marathon. They began to go on running dates together. When Todd crossed the finishing line, Charlotte was sitting in the Grandstand on 67th Street. After the race, they went out for sushi to celebrate. Todd and Charlotte trained together and dated for another year before deciding to move in together. It was only when Charlotte was living in his house that Todd realized she was not eating sufficiently to sustain the amount of exercise she was undertaking. He was an expert in nutrition and supervised her diet.

Nude, Female, Beauty, Body, Erotic, Young, Model

Charlotte had a lot of willpower and at first resisted Todd’s efforts to increase her calorie intake. But with patience and persistence, Charlotte responded to his pleadings. Todd cared a lot about Charlotte. He reassured her that he loved her deeply, but he realized that as much as he told Charlotte she was beautiful, an inner voice taunted her that she was horrible. Struggling to see her when she was overcome with self-hatred, he advised Charlotte that counselling services may assist in restoring her self-belief. Todd proved his love for Charlotte was genuine by supporting her through her lows. Charlotte appreciated Todd’s loyalty. Although she found it hard to understand what he saw in her, she loved him as the kindest most supportive man she had ever met. She kept on battling the tormenting inner hatred and shunning the ruthless reflections that chipped away at her. She tried her best to be as healthy as she could because she did not want to lose Todd.

6 replies on “Ruthless Reflections”

Hey Dave
That story started out as one thing and warped into something completely different to my original idea.
I am sure I began thinking about a the eroticism of mirrors…but it became a story about body confidence and dysmorphia.
Although I am pretty secure about myself, I think I did have a crisis of confidence when I was with “Simon”. He always called me beautiful and gorgeous…and he made love to me like there was no tomorrow. But his preference for a polygamous lifestyle was something I just never understood. So deep down I think it chipped away at me. I thought there must be some inadequacy that prevented him from wanting to be only with me.
That may not be the case at all, but even though I loved him and even though he was only ever lovely to me, it messed with my head and did me some damage.
I think for some women (and men) dysmorphia is a really paralysing issue.
I would like to give all my characters happy endings. I might come back to Charlotte at some point.

Liked by 1 person

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