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PERSONAL

Sex Is For Adults

I kept on looking at the Teacher prompt and wondering why I was not inspired to write a fantasy fiction tale about a sexy teacher. I was hoping it would come, but it did not. I think I figured out the reason why. So this is going to be a personal post, one from the archives of my teenage years, followed by an assessment of how I feel about protecting children. I am going to try to see if I can work on another post that will feature a teacher and a class of adult students. In fact this prompt also gives us a chance to tell you about the novella we are working on right now. But I wanted to explain why I had some writer’s block when I first saw this theme.

I honesty do not remember having a crush on any of my teachers at school. I don’t think any of them had any particular sex appeal. There was one maths teacher who seemed to relish opportunities to take sex-ed classes (which ended up in us all thinking he was a dirty old man), but there was nothing about him that would make a teenager girl feel excited. But you know what – I am very glad that was the case. I was a child. I was there to learn and complete my education. I was there to develop my comprehension and reasoning skills. Occasionally things happened at school which were a shock to me. A couple of girls who were thirteen became pregnant and gave birth. I think more had terminations in hospital. Sometimes a porn magazine would be floating around school, with images that seemed really gross back then.

Girl, English, Dictionary, Study, School

School was there to develop my mental, social, and emotional behaviour, and prepare me for being an adult. Yeah there were some boys who excited me. Yeah we fooled around a little, but not a lot. I am truly glad that I made it through school virginity intact. Why? Because I was a child. Sex is an adult thing. It is not for children. I think children even from a very early age should be give some basic knowledge to protect them from anyone who would take advantage of their trust. The thought of anyone who would manipulate a child makes my blood boil.

As a youth, my body was not slow about developing noticeable feminine features. I was a little self-conscious throughout school because I had these two huge watermelons on my chest which I was kind of embarrassed about back then. I was tall, had long fair hair, and a large bosom. I was one of the popular kids. Some of the boys in our group were sweet on me. We sometimes had fun both in and out of school, but nothing serious. It was mainly just holding hands and kissing.

Teacher Standing in Front of a Blackboard

There was a teacher in my high school who I still find it hard to forget. He was often late for class. We would be left standing outside the classroom (which was always locked because of the equipment inside his room) waiting for him to arrive. He was an odd guy. I knew that, but most teachers were odd. Is it just me or are most teachers somewhere on the scale between eccentric and completely nuts? As far as lessons were concerned, I respected him for teaching us useful things. That’s all I was there for.

However, every now and then he would direct a personal remark about me, about my body, about the size of my breasts, that made his seem like a letch. One day I was queueing outside the classroom with a group of other kids when he turned up around fifteen minutes late for class. When he arrived, some of the lads started ribbing him about why he was late and he claimed he was asleep in the staff room and lost track of time. He then claimed, “I was having a great dream about a hot blonde with gigantic tits. She was cutting my hair (he was bald by the way) and then suddenly she jumped on top of me and started shagging me. Oh there she is now!” and he pointed at me. The other kids looked awkward. Some laughed, but I know it was more of an embarrassed laughter.

Even today the memory of that day makes me mad. Sure, I was embarrassed. But what makes me angry is that I was a child. I should not have been subjected to that by a teacher.

My parents were careful to provide some basic sex education before I ever started school. I am glad of that because it helped me realize when the kids in my class were talking crap. My parents left me with a healthy viewpoint, that sex would be awesome when I was an adult and fell in love with a super-nice guy. They explained that it was not going to be anywhere near as fun if it was something I tried to get involved with too early. They were right.

I love sex. But I think I love it because I see it as a healthy and meaningful part of a relationship for two adults. However, I feel strongly that children should be allowed their innocence. Basic sex education to protect them is important, but I don’t think they should be exposed to anything that makes them feel uncomfortable early on.

I was a teenager when the teacher above made that comment about me. I am still angry with him years later. I think he is the reason why when I looked at the prompt teacher I had a creative block. Teachers at school should allow children to concentrate on their education.

Ben and I love roleplay. It is so much fun and keeps sex on the playful side. But I object to one scenario. I won’t dress up as a schoolgirl. I did it once, pretending that Ben was my teacher and I had been a naughty girl who needed to be disciplined by her teacher, but I told Ben that it made me sick. He is totally fine with that and when I explained why it made me uneasy he completely saw where I was coming from. Any other roleplay is fun. Adult characters though.

I know I might sound kind of high and mighty here, but I have a number of friends who were sexually abused by relatives and adults their parents trusted (sports clubs and youth groups). That abuse messed with their mental, emotional and physical health on so many levels. They have all struggled with confusion about relationships, trust, their own identity, their romantic feelings. They have all battled depression and in all honesty, they seem scarred for life. Knowing what happened to them only adds to my feelings of disgust at anything that promotes the concept of an adult taking advantage of a child. I don’t want it to have any part of my fiction, poetry or other creative writing, nor in my intimate life with my lover.

Sex is for adults.

14 replies on “Sex Is For Adults”

Jenna, I completely agree with you. Actually, what that teacher said about you would be grounds for getting fired in the US. It is clearly sexual harassment, and to a teenager! He overstepped his bounds. I am sorry that happened to you. I would be angry, too. And if I were your high school boyfriend, I’d be angry he did that to my girlfriend. I’d want to smack him. But I’d probably just tell the principal.

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For some years I was not sure what to make of it….but in hindsight I see that I should have complained about him. There were numerous occasions when he said inappropriate things to me about my body. He used to look at my chest a lot. He never touched me though. Still I see now that him staring at me and saying things that made me uncomfortable was unacceptable.

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I don’t remember thinking about sex though…and I am glad. I do know I was likable to kids and teachers, I had a friendly personality and did not like to leave anyone out. I had good grades and I played sports. I wrote a post a while back about Me…and I think I mentioned that I seemed to have a confidence from an early age. When you are confident and nice to everyone I think people kind of want to be with you.

But although my body developed at a young age and I knew I was receiving a lot of attention because of my shape, I was not yet interested in sex. I liked some of the boys…and had a few “boyfriends” who I did nothing except kissing and holding hands with. But sex was something I became interested in later, when it felt like me and my first real boyfriend were ready. Our families knew each other and they watched us like hawks. So we did not have that much chance to be alone. But we did not force it. We got to see lots of each other with our family and friends, and it was fine that we held hands and kissed. He asked my Dad if he could take me away for a weekend after we had been dating for a couple of years. Dad discussed it with me and asked me if I was ready for that step. I was freaked out! We did not actually have sex that weekend. (I think we both got a bit too tense about it all) But we did explore each other’s bodies. We definitely crossed a line that weekend though. Things felt different. Our parents were ok with us sleeping together.

After that we sought to be alone more often so we could explore this new stage in our relationship. We were touching each and kissing. He took me on a few real nice dates to expensive restaurants and I think each time he was hoping we would have intercourse, but I think we were putting a lot of pressure on ourselves. But because we were allowed to stay over in each other’s homes, sharing a bed at that point, eventually it happened. We did not have any problems from then on.

lol – you got more than you bargained for there! I shared the story of how I lost my virginity.

The thing is I am glad the way it happened. We were ready for it. We both felt safe. He respected me…and was scared of my Dad…and we had known each other a long time. And he was cute Dave – so cute. He was an inch shorter than I was (I used to slouch when I was next to him and he looked a little bit like a young Tom Cruise).

I am glad that I had a positive first experience of sex. But because I was a slow starter and because I had the same boyfriend for around ten years (everyone was expecting us to get married but we split up when we realized we did not want to be together), so I was in my late twenties when I learnt myself that there was a scale of complete jerks out there that I had managed to avoid during my younger days.

I dated and kissed a lot of frogs who revealed themselves to be losers so I did not want to have sex with them. I had a nice boyfriend who made sex a lot more interesting than it had been with my first boyfriend. he was into different things, especially breasts. But it was not long after I split up with him that I moved into my own place. And not long after that…I met Ben. As you know it took a long time for me and Ben to get together. He saw me dating a different guy every month (I was not having sex with these guys, but I was looking for love. Just kept on meeting jerks or nice guys who I knew were not right for me and I was not right for them. But Ben thought I was sleeping around with lots of men.) It was when I was dating Benedict who started to work with Ben that he learnt more about me. Benedict told him a lot about me and my family. Benedict picked up on Ben having a lot of questions about me. I am still not sure why but Benedict decided to big me up to Ben. When Benedict and I agreed we were not right for each other, he told me that Ben really liked me. At the time I just thought that was weird but I think it did register at the back of my mind. I used to see Ben at BBQs and nights out for drinks with friends and I felt very self-conscious. He did not overtly flirt with me. I thought I found him checking me out a few times. He tried to make conversation with me but I was a little frosty.

I am sure I will write about it in future posts.

What was my point? Oh yeah…I sometimes feel bad that after things did start warming up between Ben and I…there was Simon and Greg. But the thing is, I had only ever slept with two men before I met Simon. I do think I was full of desire for Ben when I went on vacation and met Simon. Later I thought that had blown my chances with Ben. But I think he came to terms with it when I did tell him about my dating and sex history. He was quick to admit that in his twenties he had sex at every opportunity that came along and had a few steady girlfriends (but never felt he had found the right girl). Ben had chance to kiss and have sex with a lot more female frogs before he found a princess. Whereas I was dating and kissing frogs, but not having sex with them. So I think he can tolerate what happened with Simon for that reason.

Ben is a very special man. I am truly grateful I am his.

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Wow, Jenna!!! Thank you so much for sharing such personal things about your life with me. I am truly honored, as well as touched, and now after reading this, I feel closer to you somehow. I hope Ben works out completely for you, if you know what I mean. You really deserve someone wonderful after all that. You are an extremely sweet woman and I hope Ben knows how lucky he is to have found you.

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The first ten years of my sex life was not particularly exciting, but I am ok with that. I was in very safe hands. I learnt a lot about myself.
Simon was the first one who put sex on a whole new level. I had never known that kind of exhilaration. I hate that I did not realize how much Ben was suffering while I was learning from a sex-pert. But I try to make it up to him now…maybe bringing the experience I gained with Simon is a good thing. I am just glad Ben and I have been able to develop our own sexual bond. This is the best stage I have been at in my life, and the best sex because of the connection we have in so many other ways.
To Simon, I could have been anyone. That’s not the case with Ben. With Ben, I’m the one he wanted and won in the end. There is nothing quite like that.

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