Lilith Avir has invited us to join in an Inlinkz party. She has provided a statement about “maledom” (I don’t know who the originator of this statement was) which I guess is designed to provoke a response, one way or the other. Lilith has then supplied some questions to guide our response to the statement. So I am gonna give it a go! Don’t sue me if I get this wrong!
These are the quote and Lilith’s questions asking us what we think of the statement on “MALEDOM“:
MALEDOM IS NOT A FETISH
While the so called “femdom” is just a sick roleplaying fetish for weak manginas and penis-envious feminists, but Maledom is just the natural and healthy law of human nature, which determines that Male is the Superior sex.
- Is there a difference between femdom and maledom?
- Is either a fetish?
- Are parts of this statement maybe right?
- Is there such a thing as “superiority”?
- How would you react, if you heard someone make such a statement?
- What would you tell a person, who’d say this?
I have been blogging for ten weeks now. Our blog was set up to support the erotic novellas we published. So when we first launched the site, we searched for other erotica bloggers. We found a hell of a lot of blogs that I would not necessarily describe as erotica. Now I did not consider myself easily shocked, but some of the content we stumbled across shocked me. So I decided it would be best to avoid those blogs. (Y’all wondering who’s blogs I’m talking about now right? Let’s just say, we’re talking about things that would get a perpetrator arrested and put in jail for a very long time!)
I was glad to find more and more bloggers whose work did appeal to me. Erotic and romantic poetry, fiction and candid personal accounts. I formed a bunch of favourites quickly and I kinda feel rooted by those bloggers that I can relate to. But not wishing to remain static, I look out for other bloggers and read their posts to get an idea of their site.
But when I do read something that is odd to me, I try and understand the psychology behind it. We are all unique in that we have had different life experiences, different relationships, different influences that have affected the way we see things.
I have grown up in a family where my father was the head of the household. I have nothing to complain about because Dad was awesome. It was easy for us to respect him because it was obvious he cared about us. Sometimes he was strict, but he communicated with us openly and dignified us by making sure we understood his rules. Once I hit adulthood I looked back thankful I had such a great Dad.
My dad is a great role-model and that has meant I expect a high standard from other men. But I am going to say this, a lot of men are a big disappointment compared to a man like my father. Ben is a great man. It is easy for me to look up to him, respect him, cooperate with his decisions. I actually trust him to make decisions more than I do me. I can be erratic at times. Ben is like my Dad, he is cool, thinks about things from a long-term view, he is wise, experienced and in control of his emotions. I gladly submit to Ben in so many areas, not just the bedroom. I have very healthy self-esteem. I know my strengths and what makes me awesome. But in many ways, I would happily acknowledge where Ben is superior to me. That’s why I feel privileged to be with him.
Do I think that means that men are superior to women? Hell no!!! Although in a relationship, I like it when I can look up to my man and respect and submit to him, that is because I took my time to find someone who qualified, deserved my respect and my trust and my submission. Let me tell you, I dated a hell of a lot of jerks! There were other men who did not even seem worth a chance.
I would say mankind, no let me correct that, humankind is not in great shape today. It is becoming harder and harder to find men or women with strong values, integrity, trustworthiness, a caring heart, an unselfish motivation, a generous spirit, and who happen to be hunky-licious. I would never agree than men are superior to women in general, although due to the muscle mass men have, they may possess superior physical strength. But mental and emotional strength, intelligence, discernment, wisdom, goodness – they are not dependant on your sex. In fact if these qualities were something easy to measure statistically, I suspect it may be that women have the edge when it comes to inner strength. Often they have developed that inner strength because they have suffered because of men mistreating them.
At this point I am casting my eyes back at Lilith’s specific questions. I will try to use them to sum up:
- Is there a difference between femdom and maledom? I don’t really know what femdom is. I have read about it in BDSM articles, but it seems more about a woman humiliating and disciplining a partner. I don’t relate to this because my father, as the respected and loved head of our household provided discipline and training for us, but that did not involve humiliation or physical striking. He taught us to reason and make wise decisions.
- Are femdom and maledom fetishes? Maybe, but to be honest the more I read about “kinks” and “fetishes” the more I am left scratching my head. They seem to be a label for something that not everyone will understand but are a big deal for a some people, so therefore we should protect them. Is that fair? I think I am into some fetishes. But I don’t think all fetishes are good. I think some of them are very worrying. I think the sentiments in the quote above are unhealthy and could feed abhorrent behavior and attitudes.
- Do I agree with parts of the statement on Maledom? Not really. The first half is phrased to be offensive and insulting to anyone who would disagree. The latter half in a heavy-handed and dogmatic manner, legitimately touches on an issue that affects many people. In many households the male husband/father figure is the head. To many that has been viewed as natural and healthy for a long time. Some men have been great in that role, my Dad is one of them. Some men have been terrible in that role and their families have suffered. If all men truly cared for their families, then perhaps the traditional view of a male head of the household would not have been challenged.
- Is there such a thing as superiority? It is a word that leaves a bad taste nowadays because of the associations it has. People have attached it to distinguishing features that are not indicative of greatness. A person’s nationality, wealth, the shade of their skin, educational status do not indicate their greatness. It is inner qualities that make a man or a woman great. Kindness, goodness, unselfish love, honour and many other traits that make a human especially precious in what they contribute to the human race. Those who have misused their advantages, whether that be physical strength, their possessions or wealth, their opportunities via education or connections, may have caused harm to others as they sat back and enjoyed their own gains.
The last two questions Lilith asked I will reply to in this way. The statement on maledom above shows a disturbing lack of balance and understanding. I would dismiss it on the basis that it is couched in offensive terms designed to hurt feelings and insult people. People of superior intellect and understanding know how to make their point with diplomacy and respect, thereby dignifying others. I would question the intelligence in those who make statements in offensive terms. What would I tell a person who said this? I am not sure I would even give them the time of day. But I would simply say this, in my own personal case, it is easy for me to look up to and respect my partner because he is a great man. But as for men who don’t develop the inner qualities that make a person truly great, it is likely that a woman would find it very challenging to respect them.
I don’t want to generalize or challenge traditional outlooks, but if you behave in a way that does not deserve respect, you have no basis to demand submission on the basis of sex, wealth, educational prowess, race or any other factor which is not indicative of greatness or superiority.
If anyone, male or female, regardless of race or wealth or education, wants to be respected, then make the inner you a better person. The way you speak, behave and treat others will determine whether you are worthy of respect.