This is a subject I could write a huge amount about. It may not seem the obvious topic for an erotica blog, but I am seriously into psychology and I frequently contemplate what makes us US. I think loneliness is often one of our motives in seeking someone to curl up in bed with at night, and share all our kinks and lusts with. Most of us need hugs and warmth and affection just as much as we want the exhilaration of foreplay and sex.
I will be truthful. I think my relationship with “Greg” was due to loneliness, on both his part and my part. We wanted warmth and comfort and affection. We both gave and received exactly that. But we did not really connect. It was purely physical and mundane. I think the night I met “Simon” (I was on vacation and was going through a stage when I felt low) I was longing for there to be someone in my life. Simon was an amazing find, and I have no regrets at all about crossing paths with him. I hate that he wanted to remain polygamous, yet there was a deeper spiritual connection with him as well as the awesome sex.
For a lot of people 2020 has intensified loneliness. My friends and I talk on the phone and some of them are struggling a lot. I have been alright for months, but now the cold and darkness of autumn are dragging my mood down. I am blessed to be in a loving relationship. Some of my friends feel isolated. Oddly, some of them are not single, but in a relationship in which they feel profoundly lonely. That is sad. But others are single. A couple of my best friends are not only single, but their families are overseas.
I saw the prompt was about haunting. I wanted to write about this haunting feeling of loneliness because it can eat away at us, almost enveloping us, so that we feel disconnected with the outside world that rushes past (as if they had somewhere important to be) and can darken our outlook on life. It can play games with our minds, bully us and make us feel as if we are nothing and as if the world would not notice if we slipped away. I fear loneliness, and I don’t think I am the only one.
Here in the UK and in the northern hemisphere, it is getting darker and colder. For some, the slide into depression and despair is hovering. This week has really got to me.
I believe that most of us want there to be a special someone who we can connect with on every level, particularly the deeper levels. We long to understood, to be accepted, to be loved. We want there to be someone for whom we breathe and live for. If someone has been longing for that special person for a long time, expectation that has not yet been fulfilled can make us ill. I get that. I went through that.
After the break up with my first boyfriend, I dated a huge array of “HELL NO!”s or “MAYBE IF YOU WERE THE VERY LAST GUY ON EARTH”s. I also had a huge crush on a guy but it turned out he liked someone else. It was a case of unrequited love for me and I suffered because of it – I was pretty moo-faced for a while.
There was one day when I was majorly depressed. I had been trying to push myself for a while, by going for walks in the countryside, but I was getting into the habit of going out walking on my own and crying the whole time, swallowed up by grief and loneliness. It’s too long a story to tell you know, but I ended up picking up an elderly lady! I helped her with her shopping, and then I took her for lunch because I enjoyed her company so much. We then wandered around a French market and I bought her some lovely jams and preserves to take home. We ended up being penpals for a couple of years until she passed away. Her daughter was pleased about our relationship. It was really good for me to have a friendship with someone so unselfish. The men I was dating were mostly selfish (or there were other reasons I knew there was no point pursuing a relationship with them) and this lady, who was in her nineties, was refreshing and energising.
I met her at the right time. I was in a deadlock mentally. I had started to feel I was going to end up going through life all alone. She was very good for me and my outlook. She revived me. My association with her helped me see people in a different way. It was still a few years until I met someone I felt I truly connected with and could enjoy intimacy with, but I no longer felt quite as lonely in this world. I may have been alone, but I was not lonely. (Does that make sense?)
I know we have to observe social distancing and that we may have lots of anxieties on our minds this year, but I would recommend trying not to let loneliness swallow you up. It is a haunting feeling that taunts and torments people. Please do try to fight it over the coming months. Maybe you already have a gorgeous guy to curl up with, or maybe you have a great support network of family and friends. Or maybe not. Maybe, you turn to strangers on line to connect with someone who might understand you. That is understandable. We thrive when we connect with people who we relate to. Always be safety conscious though. And don’t go all psycho and start stalking them. Stalking is BAAAAAAAAD! Commenting and chatting are cool.
I wanted to tag this song, because it is haunting. This guy’s voice is intense and I found I was really moved by this song, which does capture something profound about loneliness. (My blogging friend saw this guy live at an awards night and she said she was blown away by him.)