Categories
PERSONAL

Loneliness Can Haunt You

This is a subject I could write a huge amount about. It may not seem the obvious topic for an erotica blog, but I am seriously into psychology and I frequently contemplate what makes us US. I think loneliness is often one of our motives in seeking someone to curl up in bed with at night, and share all our kinks and lusts with. Most of us need hugs and warmth and affection just as much as we want the exhilaration of foreplay and sex.

I will be truthful. I think my relationship with “Greg” was due to loneliness, on both his part and my part. We wanted warmth and comfort and affection. We both gave and received exactly that. But we did not really connect. It was purely physical and mundane. I think the night I met “Simon” (I was on vacation and was going through a stage when I felt low) I was longing for there to be someone in my life. Simon was an amazing find, and I have no regrets at all about crossing paths with him. I hate that he wanted to remain polygamous, yet there was a deeper spiritual connection with him as well as the awesome sex.

Beach, Woman, Black And White, Girl, Sad

For a lot of people 2020 has intensified loneliness. My friends and I talk on the phone and some of them are struggling a lot. I have been alright for months, but now the cold and darkness of autumn are dragging my mood down. I am blessed to be in a loving relationship. Some of my friends feel isolated. Oddly, some of them are not single, but in a relationship in which they feel profoundly lonely. That is sad. But others are single. A couple of my best friends are not only single, but their families are overseas.

I saw the prompt was about haunting. I wanted to write about this haunting feeling of loneliness because it can eat away at us, almost enveloping us, so that we feel disconnected with the outside world that rushes past (as if they had somewhere important to be) and can darken our outlook on life. It can play games with our minds, bully us and make us feel as if we are nothing and as if the world would not notice if we slipped away. I fear loneliness, and I don’t think I am the only one.

Here in the UK and in the northern hemisphere, it is getting darker and colder. For some, the slide into depression and despair is hovering. This week has really got to me.

I believe that most of us want there to be a special someone who we can connect with on every level, particularly the deeper levels. We long to understood, to be accepted, to be loved. We want there to be someone for whom we breathe and live for. If someone has been longing for that special person for a long time, expectation that has not yet been fulfilled can make us ill. I get that. I went through that.

After the break up with my first boyfriend, I dated a huge array of “HELL NO!”s or “MAYBE IF YOU WERE THE VERY LAST GUY ON EARTH”s. I also had a huge crush on a guy but it turned out he liked someone else. It was a case of unrequited love for me and I suffered because of it – I was pretty moo-faced for a while.

Woman, Person, Sunset, Dreams, Alone

There was one day when I was majorly depressed. I had been trying to push myself for a while, by going for walks in the countryside, but I was getting into the habit of going out walking on my own and crying the whole time, swallowed up by grief and loneliness. It’s too long a story to tell you know, but I ended up picking up an elderly lady! I helped her with her shopping, and then I took her for lunch because I enjoyed her company so much. We then wandered around a French market and I bought her some lovely jams and preserves to take home. We ended up being penpals for a couple of years until she passed away. Her daughter was pleased about our relationship. It was really good for me to have a friendship with someone so unselfish. The men I was dating were mostly selfish (or there were other reasons I knew there was no point pursuing a relationship with them) and this lady, who was in her nineties, was refreshing and energising.

I met her at the right time. I was in a deadlock mentally. I had started to feel I was going to end up going through life all alone. She was very good for me and my outlook. She revived me. My association with her helped me see people in a different way. It was still a few years until I met someone I felt I truly connected with and could enjoy intimacy with, but I no longer felt quite as lonely in this world. I may have been alone, but I was not lonely. (Does that make sense?)

Loneliness, Alone, Aloneness, Sad

I know we have to observe social distancing and that we may have lots of anxieties on our minds this year, but I would recommend trying not to let loneliness swallow you up. It is a haunting feeling that taunts and torments people. Please do try to fight it over the coming months. Maybe you already have a gorgeous guy to curl up with, or maybe you have a great support network of family and friends. Or maybe not. Maybe, you turn to strangers on line to connect with someone who might understand you. That is understandable. We thrive when we connect with people who we relate to. Always be safety conscious though. And don’t go all psycho and start stalking them. Stalking is BAAAAAAAAD! Commenting and chatting are cool.

I wanted to tag this song, because it is haunting. This guy’s voice is intense and I found I was really moved by this song, which does capture something profound about loneliness. (My blogging friend saw this guy live at an awards night and she said she was blown away by him.)

13 replies on “Loneliness Can Haunt You”

I guess I should draw a line between alone and lonely.
I have been through a stage when I was lonely, I felt isolated in so many ways, even when I was with other people. That lasted for a few years.
Now I can be on my own (for a few days) without feeling lonely.

Like

I love this post – it brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful thing to happen, you and the elderly lady. Sometimes it takes something like that for us to be able to look at ourselves and our lives objectively.
May x

Liked by 1 person

Thank you May.
If I had not passed that lady, I would have probably gone through my usual walk through the woods (I was living near Epping Forest) and I would have been tearful and felt lonely. She was standing at a bus stop and I think she asked me the time. She had been waiting for a bus for a while. She started to tell me that her husband had died not long before, and became tearful. We spent the whole afternoon together and then we wrote to each other. I was able to invite her to where I was living and we had an afternoon tea party for her. I was so glad to have met her. She was a fascinating lady with so many wonderful stories and wisdom from her life.

Liked by 1 person

I’ve been lonely all of my life. Even when in my two marriages I was lonely. I feel not as lonely now since I am alone, with no one in my life May be because I understand myself and they didn’t care to.✨ Brilliant words you have written, so genuine and from the heart✨👏

Liked by 1 person

❤ I can only imagine how hard that was. Being lonely within a relationship is painful.
I found loneliness even when I seemed to have lots of people around me, at work and socially. I was disconnected in a way that is hard to explain. But nobody seemed to care about what was going on inside of me, just in what I was wearing or the way I looked.

I had a very low period and some of my friends drew very close and became very helpful through that time. It surprised me who turned out to be the most understanding.

Like

Unfortunately, I know loneliness. It’s been part of my life from a very early age.
And yes, right now I feel disconnected from the world. But I have a loving husband with me, friends I chat with, and of course the blogging community to hang out with. So it could have been worse. It has been worse many times.

I love your encounter with the old lady. Gives you a whole different outlook on life.

Thanks for your post,

Liz

Liked by 1 person

❤ ❤ ❤

Liz, I have realized from talking to some of my friends that loneliness can touch us regardless of our circumstances. I felt profoundly lonely when I was single, but I have friends who are in relationships, some married, who feel almost as if they are living separate lives, emotionally distant from each other. Somehow they have found a way to make it work.

But I think the loneliness you mention is something else. I read your comment several times earnestly thinking of what you were describing.

I sometimes think for me loneliness was a hunger that could never be filled, a gaping wound that could not be healed – I just had to learn to live with it. People did help, yes, but it was always there. I think that lady was a wonderful wonderful aid to help me connect with something I had not really connected with before. She was a breath of wholesome, warm, kind, sweet air that made me feel good about things and people. The twinkle in her eye, the stories she shared, the thoughtfulness that governed her ways, I had a role-model and a mentor during my association with her.

Like

Loneliness is something I know all too well. Even in a group of friends/crowd, I can feel lonelier than I feel by myself.

And I guess now, I’m lonely as well. I felt more connected when I had Sir. He always gave the best advice and knew the right thing to say. Even though, he wasn’t here physically, I felt like I had someone. I live with family and I still have to go to work so I’m not completely isolated, yet it’s lonely as hell. It’s ironic how that works, but it is what it is.

It’s been a depressing and lonely year.

Liked by 1 person

Sass ❤
I have sometimes picked up on the sadness in your posts.
But I also admire you because you have a very lively streak in you that wants to move forward. I am pleased that you have not lost the fun, charming, naughty side of you despite your heartache. You are still sizzling sexy Sass – and it is a victory when despite disappointments you stay the same wonderful person.

Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s