I think I raised a few eyebrows a couple of weeks ago when I mentioned “THE NAUGHTY FINGER”. I promised Gemma and Nora that I would prepare a post to explain. It is simple really….and if you want to skip straight to the naughty details, just read the last paragraph.
Before I explain what exactly THE NAUGHTY FINGER is, I just want to mention again that Ben and I are not in a relationship that we would label as D/s or a BDSM, or anything like that. We are in love, we love sex – some may call that boring, but for us it is anything but boring. We are both deeply interested in understanding each other’s inner person and emotional needs and caring for each other. Sex and foreplay are a delicious part of that. But we consider ourselves equal. It’s our relationship and we make the rules.
However, I do respect Ben as being wiser than me and in the possession of very fine qualities that makes me feel more secure leaning on his decision making ability. We both work on looking after our home, but because Ben is away more than I am, I happily take on more household work than he does. His job is more demanding and stressful than mine. I enjoy cooking and pressing his shirts. We are both pretty hot the principle of “clean as you go”, which makes it easy for me to do a thorough clean once a week. I love that for over two years living together has been a very successful enterprise.
Within our relationship, I think I am sometimes the one who is more likely to be “naughty”. It’s not always deliberate, sometimes I get myself into trouble accidentally. Ben and I communicate about everything. If he knows I am being deliberately naughty or if he is worried that I am at risk of harming myself emotionally, he does not “discipline” me physically. Instead we have a chat. Ben is a lovely man. He normally pours us both a glass of wine and cuddles me while we have an honest chat about what is going on in my head.
He does not spank me to “discipline” me. In our case, erotic spanking is part of our roleplay sex/foreplay games. But there is something he does when I am being stubborn. I am not often stubborn. I love Ben and I want to cooperate with him and I do not want him to be anxious about me. It has become a way of dealing with a situation when I am wanting to be naughty despite the chat we have had. I would never deceive Ben. I would tell him how I feel, he wants to understand why I think the way I do/feel the way I feel and he respects my freedom of choice. After listening to his wise words, if I still voice my desire to be naughty, Ben may resort to tickling me or giving me sloppy kisses until I give in to what he wants. But what if even ticking and sloppy kisses don’t work. Well….then there is “THE NAUGHTY FINGER”.
If we agree that despite his advice, I am still going to be naughty, I get the naughty finger. That is literally where Ben will finger me until I cannot just bear it anymore. I end up trembling and begging him to stop. It is intense. There’s a lot of crooking of his finger stimulating the parts of my vagina that make me want to squirt. Even when I am writhing around he will follow my gyrating pelvis and leave me squealing for mercy.
And the truth is “I love it”!