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PERSONAL

Trust

I love the word TRUST and instantly it calls to mind so many personal examples within my own relationship with Ben. I still could not resist checking the definition before I began. The words making up the definition of TRUST were fine, just fine, nothing wrong with them – except it seemed rather cold and lifeless. It was then I realized that a word like TRUST means more when you have examples of what it really means in real life.

When I think of my relationship with Ben this past year, I see how TRUST has been vital to us. Normal life for us ever since he accepted this contract has involved Ben having to travel, mostly for short periods – just a few days. For any project two weeks or longer, I am allowed to go with him. That’s part of the company policy and my boss is happy for me to work remotely any time that happens (and during 2020 most of our team are working remotely anyway).

But when Ben is away on his own – do I worry about what temptations he may be faced with? He is very very good looking. His Greek-Irish American combination make him very appealing. He is also polite, kind and friendly. It is just an unavoidable fact that other women will notice that. Does that make me worry? What if some foxy lady set her sights on him?

I could easily drive myself crazy imagining all the possibilities. So I cannot think about. I have to just TRUST him. I don’t take his loyalty for granted though. When I am with Ben I make it my life’s mission to make each day lovely for him. I give him my all. I do have my days when I am in a funk. Ben is wonderful when I am feeling down and he cares for me. But when I have been a bit moody and then he has to go away – the thought of some woman wanting to tempt him to play away – ugh! It would be awful!

Personally, I know that I could not cheat on Ben, and he knows me well enough to understand why. I know why. I cannot live with guilt. I am someone who has suffered tremendously due to guilt over things I have done accidentally, never mind what I have done with some awareness it was wrong. I think I fear guilt more than I do hurting him. The guilt would kill me. But beside that, I love Ben. I love him for all he is. He has so many wonderful qualities and I am particularly aware of the love he has shown to me. The fact I can TRUST him makes me love him even more.

Let’s not forget the unexpectedly long time he was away in the spring. He went out on a project was supposed to take a week and the world just stopped. One week became three months! A gorgeous man who loves sex separated from his naughty sex kitten for three months! Aaaaaaagh! How was I going to fulfil Ben’s sexual needs from so far away? I have mentioned in the past that our separation resulted in a creative flurry which has led the three novellas and this blog.

What about Ben? How important is it to Ben to be able to TRUST me? I know he knows that the one emotion that is my nemesis is guilt, but I don’t think he takes my loyalty for granted. He knows that when he goes away, I might feel lonely. I think I did ok earlier this year, but mainly with the support of friends and by making a plan of things I wanted to do with the extra time I had. But yes, loneliness is something I could be prone to. I love physical affection. I love hugs and being held. Ben knows that and keeps me well-supplied when we are together.

He also knows I have a flirty streak. I do like to connect with people. I am fascinated by psychology and what makes us US, so I often develop deep friendships. I also smile a lot and laugh. I can without realizing it make a man think I am interested in him. I like to be admired – who doesn’t? I am a sexylicious cocktail of trouble in the making! I prefer for Ben to be with me, supervising me.

I love that he is keeping a strict eye on this blog and that he discusses anything that concerns him and we often agree to edit before publishing. I also love that he recognises that I like to chat about sex with people, more than he does. So we have worked out a way I can have that freedom but always with the knowledge that he is involved. I especially appreciate Ben for accepting that Simon in particular has inspired a torrent of fantasy fiction and eerotica poetry. He knows how besotted I was with Simon and how much it means to me to maintain a friendship with him. Yet Ben TRUSTS me.

I love Ben! Ben loves me! I respect Ben and Ben dignifies me. I TRUST Ben and Ben TRUSTS me! This all contributes to something really really special. But it’s not something I ever want to take for granted. I am going to continually think of all the ways I can contribute to our loving and trusting relationship.

Wicked Wednesday

8 replies on “Trust”

Excellent post Miss Pink! I love the way you two work together to stay strong.
Trust is the foundation of every solid relationship. Without it, nothing remains stable and the relationship crumbles from the ground up. This year has been exceptionally testing for a lot of relationships, many have fallen by the wayside simply because the trust wasn’t there. Most people think love is enough to carry a relationship through the hard times, but love is a dual edged sword, because of the powerful emotions it creates in people, it also has the ability to create jealousy, mistrust, and possessiveness at its core. Trust is one of two key ingredients to making that love stable. The instant that real trust is included between two people, jealousy, mistrust and possessiveness largely disappear.
Certain people can just be trusted, they have an inherent honesty that they apply to every aspect of their lives. I think this is very true of you and Ben. You are honest with each other. That’s the other key element to a successful relationship. Trust and honesty build the strongest foundations for anything to be built on it and whatever is built will remain stable so long as those two elements are at the root of it all.
Loved this post! πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

Liked by 2 people

It’s so true!
I did go through a stage of worrying about Ben going away. I let my mind run wild with my fears. But I realized over time that what we have does not mean micromanaging each other’s lives, or being suspicious of every woman who notices Ben, or questioning him every time he is late home from work. Life would be miserable if jealousy was allowed invade our life.

I figure if Ben was like Simon, I would have noticed by now – but he is not. Ben does want to be in a secure relationship with one person, and I want to make his life as happy as possible. Some things we cannot control obviously – like the pandemic – but as far as it depends on me, I want to make his life jammy πŸ™‚

Thank you Gemma ❀

Liked by 1 person

I think the only way to trust is to continually communicate – or be open for communication. I have trust issues which go a long way back – and I myself have not always been trust worthy – but I am honest. The one time I cheated on a boyfriend I immediately told him . I could not deal with the guilt.
May x

Liked by 1 person

Guilt is awful, I can’t put myself at risk of what guilt does to me.
I love that Ben has a desire to communicate. I think the first few months we were together were a little challenging because we would exhaust ourselves with our open deep conversations. We just wanted to exchange hearts. I think when we reached a point where we could put aside the deep conversations until there was a need for them. That has allowed us both to lighten up and have lots of fun together.
We still have to sit down from time to time to talk about something, but it is not intense. Ben is very good at creating the right mood for an honest conversation.

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