The first time Ben and I actually spoke to each other was at a party. I had met him before and exchanged polite greetings. I had dated his brother and it had gone horribly wrong. Let me tell you, Ben and his brother are so different.
Although I was not certain, I thought I caught Ben glancing at me at that party. I can still remember what I was wearing that night. I was dancing a lot. He says now that he could not keep his eyes off me. The conversation we had that night was awkward. Even more awkward was when he asked me to dance. We danced and it was weird.
It was years after that party that we kissed for the first time. I did not realize he was interested. I wasted a lot of time dating men who were not right for me. I had a huge crush on a guy who was not interested in me. I had two serious romantic relationships, Greg and Simon. Ben was aware of all of that. It caused him some concern. He thought I was dating and shagging a lot of men – nope – I was not having sex with any of the men I dated. Greg and Simon were my only two physical relationships. But how would Ben know?
He hesitated because he did not want to get involved with a woman who who was sleeping with half of the midwest. It was Benedict (another guy I dated and didn’t sleep with) that educated Ben that Jenna Kirkpatrick was not easy. She wants to find the right guy, so she dates men, but quickly learns they are very wrong for her. Apparently that lit a spark in Ben. The chase was on.
But things went wrong…we clashed when I worked for his department. Then I met Simon. Ben had to wait. But that argument we had at work, that lit the spark in me. I wasn’t thinking erotically about Ben, but I was now tied to him. I had offended him, I was indebted to him. I had no idea that eventually that would develop into a passionate romance, but the connection we had was the basis for a friendship that grew from strength to strength. I know there were times I wanted to kiss Ben. But I was with Simon, who totally entranced me. I was having the best sex I had ever had and was not about to risk that.
Years of drama and tension, longing and secret glances, almost touches and compliments, gallantry and whispers, almost flirting and denial, jealousy and pain. He had to keep his feelings for me a secret to not frighten me away. I knew I liked Ben, but I was besotted with Simon, so I kept it a secret from myself that Ben was shaping up to be the man I wanted to be there should anything ever go wrong with Simon. Nothing went wrong with Simon. I was learning to live with his polygamy because I loved him. The reason we are not together is a geographical one. He gave me the green flag to date other men long before I allowed myself to.
It is amazing than Ben and I are together today. But we are!
Our secret ardour is now a happy warm relationship. I think our sex life is indicative of the years we waited to be able to express our desire, our passion for each other. By the time we eventually made into bed together, we were so hungry for each other. Ever since making love is like a feast. We indulge our appetites and greedily satisfy our desires.
Two secret lovers not able to lay a finger on each other for years! Can you blame us for wanting to make up for the lost time?