Lilith Avir has done it again! She has picked a quote that has left me scratching my head in puzzlement and feeling I want to consider this short quote, acknowledging I do not know the context, and trying my best not to be pedantic about my own opinion.
This is the quote Lilith found somewhere out there on the world wide web:
“…maintenance spankings are necessary…”
I feel a little shy about tackling this question. When I started this blog and began reading other blogger’s work, I noticed very quickly that spanking is way more popular than I ever imagined it to be. I have heard some bloggers refer to “maintenance spanking”. I have to admit, I was a little puzzled by the term.
All my (adult) life, I have thought of spanking as a feature of the likes of “Carry On…” movies, iconic “slap & tickle”, slightly comical and kind of naughty, raucous raunchy joking around. Simon used to administer erotic slaps to my pussy and derriere randomly, to get a reaction. It seemed playful and erotic when he did so. Ben likes behinds. So in our roleplay sessions, many a time I have played the naughty secretary or a similar role and stretched out for Ben to playfully slap my bottom. But it is erotic fun and games to us…part of our arousing each other.
What I have realized is that the way other couples use spanking is sometimes very different from the way we use it. I have picked up on two other mentalities towards spanking and I think there may be some overlapping in some cases – every couple is different after all. There are some who seem to use spanking as an erotic feature in sexual activity, but it is more than playful, it seems as if pain is a part of the process, red marks, welts, stinging injuries may be administered (and I acknowledge that spankees say that this is totally consensual).
There seems to be varying degrees of this more pain inflicting spanking. For some it seems like a reward, they seem to relish in either administering or receiving the spanks. I am not sure if it’s the pain that they enjoy or the submission aspect of their relationship, or both. In other cases spanking seems to be an act of “discipline”, as if one partner needs to remind the other who is in charge, or to correct some rebellious attitude or bad habit the other partner has. I think this is where I struggle with the psychology. If I need to learn a lesson, no physical punishment is going to help me.
Some refer to a wide variety of spanking instruments or implements and the kind of wounds each one will leave. But in numerous cases, those who describe their spanking sessions refer to themselves being aroused or to post-spanking sex, which makes me think as an outsider that overall, they view spanking as part of their erotic relationship.
So, these past four months I have come across all these different outlooks on spanking and although I am interested in the psychology behind them, it makes me even more certain that spanking will only every be a fun playful erotic playtime activity in our life.
So for us, “maintenance spankings” do not really apply within our spontaneous, affectionate, erotic foreplay sessions. But Ben and I are not in a submissive/dominant relationship. We are just in love and we just love sex and foreplay, including roleplay. In the context of our relationship, I respect him as being wiser and more experienced than me and having a purpose, which I love working towards and am committed to.
If Ben feels concerned about the way I think or speak or act, he will talk to me about it – we have a discussion. He does that because he cares about me, not because he is trying to maintain his authority. Ben would never use pain or humiliation to persuade me or “discipline” me. If he did – he would have to be prepared to never see me again, except in court.
I am not saying this to be controversial, but I will confess, I do honestly find it hard to equate the inflicting of pain or humiliation as a healthy aspect of a relationship. Whereas I do equate open communication, listening, yielding, forgiving, caring as healthy and positive. The only thing we maintain is communication, (and love, trust and respect).
But I respect that every couple is different. People think and feel in different ways. So for them spanking as an act of discipline may be a feature of their relationship. “Maintenance spanking”, which I presume means the dynamics of the relationship are being reinforced, not that the spankee has not done anything wrong, might make sense to some couples. When you see or hear or read a spankee saying “this is my choice, it is fully consensual, I want this lifestyle”, I guess an outsider accepts/respects it.