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Bad Habits – Part 2

There is one more bad habit I want to mention, a habit which has nothing to do with excesses with food or liquor or extremes in exercise or denial. Erotic writing! I actually think the blog has turned into a healthy way for me to exercise my enjoyment of erotic writing. But it can become a bad habit for me, and I will explain a little why I mean that.

It was Greg who introduced erotic writing to me. Before we started having sex (not a lot of sex, but a lot of breast play and erotic suckling) he began to drop erotic expressions into his emails to me. This developed into him describing in explicit detail his fantasies that he wished to share with me. They weren’t just dirty messages. He would paint a sensuous scene and weave romance and seduction, tenderness and depravity, all into the same imaginary liaison.

My reaction to his messages? – I was deeply aroused. I began to return Greg’s emails trying to imitate his style and then developing my own. He was enamoured by my writing. Of course, you already know that eventually Greg and I began our salacious affair. I have my regrets about Greg, I have written about them before, but at the time I remember feeling in love. I also remember everything seemed erotic and magical, until I realized what was going on.

I was the dirty little secret he wanted none of our friends to know about. I was at his beck and call when he felt frisky, but he had no time for me when I was lonely and needed him. More and more I saw I was his toy when it was convenient to him.

After our relationship ended, I missed the emails we had shared. I missed feeling sexy and desirable. I missed the excitement. But I was in a mess emotionally. I ended up “connecting” online with strangers – men who wanted to talk dirty with me – and they made clear they wanted to meet me and do things to me.

None of them had the way with words that Greg had. Their writing was not erotic or arousing. It was just filth. There was no way I was going to meet up with them. But for a while I was addicted to just communicating with someone, even though they were strangers, on an intimate level. I was not even enjoying their messages, I just craved closeness with someone. I mistook talking openly about sex for trust or intimacy. It was not at all satisfying. I was exposed to the most hideous dick-pics that still leave scars on my mind!

I dropped all of those strangers like hot potatoes when I met my own very hot and extremely exciting Simon. From the first night I met him, the sex was hot! Simon opened my eyes to an array of sex and kink I had no idea existed before….and he made it so sizzling hot.

Simon and I did not spend a lot of time writing to each other. We were too busy shagging to be writing. Simon is n artist and loves drawing nude models. I cannot draw for toffee! Simon and I were separated when he moved overseas and made it very clear to me he was going to have sex whenever the opportunity came along and he wanted me to do so likewise. I tried to be a brave girl, but inside I was distraught. I ended up doing something real silly. I responded to Greg’s emails (which had been sent by him regularly and ignored by me). I had a very brief tryst with him again, which was due to craving comfort. It was a mistake, and I felt disgusted with myself.

It’s one thing to be disgusted with your ex after a break-up, it is another to be disgusted with yourself. One of the worst of my bad habits is self-hatred when I feel excessive guilt. I find guilt very hard to process in a healthy way. Many people can make a mistake, feel sorry, learn the lesson and move on. I punish myself. Guilt is a low place that can push me over into bad habits. I’m not comfortable today with talking about the worst of my emotional bad habits – but self-punishment is not good. It’s a very bad, very harmful habit that I have had to fight.

In some ways, Ben rescued me. Ben already knew about some of my struggles from our conversations in the years of friendship that led up to our relationship becoming romantic. He gave me everything I had always needed – purpose, security, dignity, erotic excitement and fun! So much fun! He is the best thing that has ever happened to me on every level. He has brought balance and peace to my life and deep joy. The sex is great – lots of fun, lots of play, lots of exploring each other’s bodies in new ways. And yet….

…when Ben was away in the spring, I realized that Ben does not know where to begin with erotic writing. We could never get a decent phone signal. His emails were informative and included photos so I could see where he was and the work he was doing. But the erotic fizzle was not there. I started chatting online with Greg, which is probably why I ended up turning to liquor because I knew it was wrong. I chatted with Simon too, but his messages were respectful and kind. Greg’s were riddled with suggestive erotic remarks and insinuations that I was going to soon be in his bed again.

I told Ben how much I was hungering for erotic talk or messages. In the end, the solution we came up with turned out well. Ben would suggest a basic outline of a scene, one that I could embroider with explicit details. My writing turned him on and encouraged him to be more adventurous with the following outline he would send me.

Eventually the scenes became stories and then our first two novellas which we published on Amazon.

We also set up the RASPBERRY RIPPLES blog. Now I have a healthier outlet to enjoy my taste for erotic writing. The temptation to correspond with Greg has shrivelled up. Now I have an outlet for writing and I can read the work of the many talented writers who make foreplay and sex truly delicious and arousing.

Ben is trying to share this with me. He does not want it to undermine our relationship, neither do I. So he makes sure I stay balanced and keep it fun. Ben has helped me find a way I can enjoy erotic writing in a creative way. I am so glad I am his. He knows how to help me enjoy food, liquor, exercise and erotic writing in a balanced way that makes me feel good about myself

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21 replies on “Bad Habits – Part 2”

Another great post, and another reason for me to offer my voice to your stories. Let me know if you’d like me to record an excerpt. Contact me through my site (dariusmarley.wordpress.com) and I’ll gladly send you an MP3 audio file, which you can use however you wish.

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Not a problem. What I meant was, I would be happy to offer you some free voiceovers from your written works, if you feel like that might be worth a try. My voice is particularly suitable for erotic fiction, and it seems to me you’re an author in that genre. Perhaps we could both benefit from creating a few short audio teasers!

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Women’s erotic lit is sometimes narrated by men! A famous audiobook narrator named Aiden Snow would be a good example. You can hear my voice if you visit my site, and my email address is also there if you’re interested in sending me something for a try. Your writing is very authentic, and I’d be thrilled to take a swing at it some time.

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I adore your honesty Miss Pink, your ability to look at yourself and see your flaws and then understand what drives them is commendable. I will say this, we all go through periods of loneliness and we all make the mistake at some point of reaching out to the wrong person, or the known habit we just haven’t quite managed to shake off yet. It’s human nature.
I’m glad you have Ben now, you deserve to be happy and content, and I for one am happy you found your way to us all on WP with your stories and delightful personality!

💖💖💖

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Hey Gemma
I think we really our not designed to be alone. I think we work best when there are people around us we care for and feel valued by. We thrive on that really. So being “alone”, that may not always be physically alone, it may be being in a state where we don’t care for those we are stuck with and we don’t feel valued by them is miserable.
I have felt that at times and have been desperate for a connection – a someone who would understand me or even just enjoy me.
I did go about it in the wrong way in the past. Ben is a treasure – a true treasure who I am going to hold on to 🙂

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I’m hopefully wrong but I felt like I’m one of those guys that get off on ‘mutual’ sexual messages. If I am please tell me to go away! Only need telling once🤔

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Howie – blogging feels a much safer environment to express an interest in erotica. I ended up having regular contact with some men who were kinda ghastly. I am not necessarily talking about looks (although!), I mean their general way of communicating.

So here in England there are still these odd pubs that exist where you find a certain type of man. I can think of a pub I went to once in Putney. I walked in an knew this was not the kind of place I wanted to order lunch, but it was pouring down and I had no choice. All these men my fathers age turned and were leering at me and winking. One or two called over and tried to start a conversation. A guy seemed to be making lewd gestures. Before I walked in I think they were watching soccer, but on my arrival it was like they were drooling. But it was horrible. I sometimes I felt like they were on these websites talking filth with stupid lonely young women like me who were in such a bad place we did not realize that we were just making them think they could speak filth and treat women like filth.

The way someone communicates makes a lot of difference. 98% of the time the comments that come through the blog are from people who have manners, and courtesy and don’t presume. They build a friendly flirty rapport with you and test the waters to get to know what it is ok to talk about.

I don’t feel other bloggers treat each other like dirt. I think there is more of a mutual respect and enjoyment of each others writing….that sometimes leads to some fun and risqué flirting and erotic conversations, But it does not feel threatening.

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Oh jenna – I wanted o hug you while reading this. I admire your honesty greatly. I have written about my mistakes too and it takes guts. Greg was a bad habit – I had one of those too called Al. Could not get him out of my system until i met my man the first time. Thank goodness u found Ben. I hope you grow and learn together
May x

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❤ You know May, I am glad I am not the only one. ❤
Greg had a powerful hold on me.
Ben is so good for me. I love that he is interested in the inner me and wants me to thrive. He is a real good man and wiser than his years – he knows how to make life great and how to deal with harmful emotions without letting them do damage.

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Interesting post. I can see how this might become a habit. It has become a habit for me. I have a quick link on my phone to come here. I look forward to interacting with readers and I am constantly thinking of my next story. Am I addicted? I think I always have been. So there you have your next help group Jenna. Let me be the first to sign up. Have a beautiful day.

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You are so sweet!
I think there is a healthy way and an unhealthy way to enjoy some naughtiness.
Blogging about erotica feels much more enjoyable and safe than it was talking to random strangers who made me cringe. There just does not seem to be a sinister atmosphere in blogging. Not that we are casual when it comes to our security.

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Dirty messages and erotic conversations are two entirely different beasts for me too.

Your journey to Raspberry Ripples was fascinating. I am pleased to read you have healthier mechanisms for your habits and they are changing from bad to positive.

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