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PERSONAL

Stay Close

There are times when I break apart all over again. Some unexpected pressure finds the weakness and the crack deepens. Despite all my efforts – it happens – out of the blue.

I am sorry for a million reasons. I am sorry I let you down. I know how pained you must be. I am sorry that everything we have talked about, everything my close friends have said to me, all the love, and all the care, seems to have been forgotten, and I gave in again.

There are no excuses. I know it is wrong. I do. I can only explain it with words like, tiredness, weakness, feeling overwhelmed, feeling alone – it pushed that button, that button that leads to despair. I don’t understand how it happened so quickly.

It’s devastating. But I am trying not to be overdramatic. I am. I want to pick myself up off the floor and dust myself down and carry on again. I am renewing my determination that this is not an acceptable situation. You should not be anxious. I am fighting. I am going to keep on fighting. I will conquer.

But just now, I am tired. I’ll admit it. There are no words. All I can do is try again. Please stay close to me. Please don’t let go of me.

10 replies on “Stay Close”

Thank you so much Fenella – you are so sweet!
I have had a real rough time lately. I have some close friends who helped me to deal with a meltdown I had about ten days ago. I needed to rest up.
I am feeling a little brighter now, but I have been so weary over the last week or so, I think it will take time to recover from that.

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Thank you Jay-lyn for your sweet words.
I had a meltdown. I did need a break. I am feeling a little better now, but it has been an exhausting week or so.
It is so sweet you would think of me. I could not face the blog for a while. I am going to spend some time trying to reply to comments. I think I will have to be a bit selective in what I read in the WP Reader. I am just now in the mood for some of it. I’m guessing that makes sense. Sometimes we just need a little calm. So I am going to pick posts to read that look like they will make me feel better. I don’t have the energy to process anything too heavy.

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I understand absolutely. My Papa Bear ( close male friend in the stated) will give me no news days when I start stressing really hard. I can only do good things that make me smile and happy. You look after you the rest of us will wait.🤗🤗🤗

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Struggling with anxiety is not easy. Seek help from a medical provider if you can. As someone who fights anxiety, depression, and inability to stay committed (pick relationships, food, honesty) every day is a new start.
Remember the lesson of yesterday and say not today to whatever you are fighting.
In these times loneliness is a real struggle and phone calls and online friends do not replace cuddles.
Whatever you are fighting stay strong. You can overcome. Believe in yourself. Not always easy, but you can.

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Thank you David. Your words make a lot of sense.
We all have our own battles hey. I had a setback in my own battle about ten days ago. I did need to pick up the phone and ask one of my friends to help me. She came to the rescue – not for the first time.
I have needed to rest up and try to switch off to anything too challenging for more than a week. Sometimes, we need a little break before we can get back up and running.
I am starting to feel a bit better, but the fight is always lurking in the background.
I think you will understand what I mean by that.
❤ ❤ ❤

Liked by 1 person

I’ve been stumbling for a while. I completely understand. Battered and bruised, callused feet feel less pain. But pain remains. What you do with the pain or work to get passed. Dawn comes even after the darkest night.

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