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Personality

So many of the writing prompts I see cause me to become introspective. I don’t know why that is. I genuinely started this blog intending to write fiction! But in some ways, thinking about a subject and how it stirs your thoughts and feelings is like therapy. I had set out with an introspective post in mind today, but instead I am going to use this prompt to try to respond to something I have found discouraging over the past few months.

When I think of this word or this phenomenon of “PERSONALITY” I guess I think of what we carry within us – in terms of our attitudes, characteristics, qualities, behaviours that make us unique. We may have similar character traits – but it is the combination that makes us distinctive.

I guess it is a bit like cake! If you go to a patisserie or a bakery – you will see a display of cakes, and most of them will have common ingredients – but they are all distinctive. A fresh glazed fruit tart or luxurious creamy custard slice, or a picante raspberry macaron or bitter chocolate torte, or a fluffy vanilla sponge – they have similar ingredients, but each has their own distinctive combination that gives them a distinctive twist.

They all belong though. They are all there for a reason. People will come and admire them, some will be tempted and will purchase the cake they are most attracted to.

Now, if you are wondering why the hell I am going on about cakes (and yes, I guess it maybe partly because I am hungry) I will clear up the confusion and come to the point.

This is my personality dealing with a situation that has been discouraging me for some time. I am addressing this post to the individual who has been leaving comments on my posts (comments which Ben said not to approve) telling me that I do not belong here. I am not going to say who you are, don’t worry, that is not my style, but these words are for you.

You keep on using the same words in your comments that I am perhaps incorrectly interpreting as a sign you simply don’t like me or my writing. Saying that my posts are boring, vanilla, pathetic, homophobic, racist or one of the curse words you used – I am not sure how to interpret that other than presuming you don’t want me to to publish posts at all.

My personality is fairly easy going and mild (although I have my moments!) The only reason I have not replied to your comments is that I don’t know what to say. I don’t want any contention. That’s not my personality.

As far as I see there are a lot of writers on WordPress who have their own distinctive personality, their own writing style, their own flavours, their own characteristics. To me we are like a patisserie – we may be made of some of some similar ingredients – but we are are all unique, we all bring something distinctive to the table,, and we all belong. I might not match your preferences, but I believe there are some who find me and my writing delicious.

I counted through your comments. You have used the word “vanilla” about me thirty times. I don’t have a problem with that word. I don’t. I think you are using it as a criticism though. You are perfectly entitled to your opinion. As far as I am concerned, I am actually raspberry ripple. But as it is obvious to many – raspberry ripple is generally vanilla ice-cream with a tart fruity vibrant sauce swirled throughout it and some fresh zingy juicy raspberries. It is ok if you don’t like it. You don’t have to enjoy every single cake in a patisserie. It’s fine to have your own preferences.

I am very pleased to be me. I like my personality. Ben loves me. That’s what matters most. But in addition, there are a lot of other writers and bloggers, all with their own distinctive personalities and writing styles, who have made me feel welcome to be me. Nobody else has used the words you have used about me or my writing. Recently I have been in a lot of physical pain with my back, and I am finding I am more easily discouraged than usual.

So I am going to make a polite request to you. If you are really not enjoying my posts, please just press that “unfollow” button. But if you do wish to continue viewing them, please don’t keep telling me I should not be writing erotica and that I do not belong here. This is my style of erotica and it is in harmony with my personality.

We all have our personality and style – but we also have some common ingredients. Most writers celebrate that we have our own distinctive characters and are glad to have such a variety of writing. But in this world, most of us are attracted to one personality trait above any other – KINDNESS. So, may I ask if you do have some specific critique to offer me, could I politely ask you to find a kinder way to express it please?

43 replies on “Personality”

Hi Jenna, Please don’t let one individual discourage you. From one writer of erotica to another, I love reading your blog. I can never understand why some people feel the need to make negative comments over and over again. Like you said, if you don’t like this particular flavour of cake, move on! Personally, raspberry ripple is one of my faves!!! Hold you head high and be proud of what you do x

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Thank you so much for your support Fanella. I have been finding it eroding my enjoyment of blogging at all, and more hesitant to write fiction or share personal details of my relationship with Ben.
Ben thought it best just to ignore and that they would get tired of my lack of response, but when it was not enough to leave comments on my site, I saw them leaving comments about me elsewhere, on other blogs. I don’t understand really why I have become such a person of interest to them. It is fine if they don’t like my style, but it would be kinder just to press the unfollow button rather than telling other bloggers they don’t think I should be writing erotica because I am so boring. That’s really upset me.

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I’m sure it is very upsetting and distracting for your writing (coupled with back pain which is completely debilitating) – I would feel exactly the same way. Something as simple as a less than glowing review on Amazon can take a hit! Pathetic of me, I’m sure, but writing is such a personal thing – you really put yourself out there and expose your heart and soul. I know I have to “grow a thicker skin” but then, that feels like it will kind of stop me being me, if I do that. Anyway, I digress. If you are still lacking in inspiration/confidence to write and you need an erotic romance writing buddy, just give me a shout on fenellaashworth@gmail.com. With all my best wishes from a very cloudy corner of Southern England (which is a shock after the lovely sun we had yesterday!) x

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lol – just block them, block their comments. If somebody targets you with repeated criticisms, well, they need to get themselves a life. But let’s be nice about it – a lot of people have been very bored during the Pandemic with nothing better to do than take themselves and the internet much too seriously.

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Pinkette – do not be discouraged by one person’s relentless criticism – let’s call that what it is – BULLYING. Lots of people enjoy your writing and your personality. Focus on them rather than the bully who is trying to make you miserable. They need to get over it. Most bullying starts with someone feeling envy. They need to get over it and leave you alone. KINDNESS is the most attractive personality trait hands down – no contest!

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Thank you Jacob. I am grateful to you. I think must people don’t set out intending to be cruel, they just get carried away. I think this person may have not liked something I wrote at some stage, and now doesn’t seem to enjoy anything I write at all. But has been wearing me down to see so many comments from them.

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Jenna

I’ve been the subject of an extensive “hate campaign” by a gang of older people. Several of whom I met in real life.
It’s far easier to attack others in order to avoid their own unsatisfactory, life dysphoria.

People using social media are a unique bunch of people that are supported in delusional behaviour by gang members that fear the treatment you’re currently receiving.

Covid 19 lockdown is a powerful magnifier for unhappiness.

It’s not about you – it’s about them and their myriad of personality disorders.

Swirly xx

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There are a lot of mentally unhealthy people on social media. Many are friends that support each other. Sadly, there is a small contingent that are very set in very old ways, hate change, hate new people entering the public arena and will close ranks to prove they are vicious bullies.
In my case, the slightest “challenge” (asking a question or two🙄) set off a chain reaction of bitter old women sharing lies AFTER blocking me, cuckolded (dominant 😂) men I’ve never tweeted told to block me.
The list goes on.
They will eventually tire of you, then move on to find someone else that challenges their deluded sense of self.

The best thing you an do? Support the new target that it’s nothing to they’ve done – the old trout brigade has a hate list they’re working through. Theyll be old news one day, nobody will care.

Write what you please
Post whatever photos you choose
Most of all – Be You, unconditionally

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I can see you are have a lot of support from other bloggers, so you probably don’t need me to say anything, but I wanted to show I have always been a fan – from Day One.
You are very appealing, and not boring in any way. If I was picking from the bakery – it would first be whatever flavour Zoe decides she is and then it would be raspberry ripple flavour.

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I am soooooooooo sorry Jenna that in a day and age where we are trying to unite that there are still those out there who have so much time on their hands that they need to find and attack someone else. Generally it is due in fact to a great deal of jealousy on behalf of the vicious jerkwad who is writing said comments. It is unfortunate that you have had to deal with this. In my opinion that is not how adults behave. If you do not like something do not read it. Do not follow that author. In other words go and live your own life and let others live theirs. I am tired of living in a society that celebrates trolls and destruction of others for the sole amusement of self. I think that it is time the the real adults begin to take as stand and the children masquerading as adults are all put to bed.
I really am sorry Jenna that someone is doing this. I am sending you a simple hug. Have a good Saturday lovie. 🙂

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I have found it draining to deal with Jay-lyn. It’s totally knocked my confidence to write fiction and it has made me more reluctant to share things about Ben and me. To be told you are boring time and time again is discouraging.

The funny thing is that when I first started blogging I joined in a couple of prompts and very politely the hosts told me that my style of writing did not belong with their family friendly writing prompts. But they were very nice about it. They told me I did not belong with their circle of writers. Now a blogger is targeting me to tell me I don’t belong with erotica writers. Is there a box I have to find for people who just want to write whatever they are in the mood for and not be forced to be something they are not?

I’ve been a bit fed up about this. But I hope I made it clear in a nice way that I just think if I am not their preference, it would be better for them not to follow my blog and read my posts. That way their problem would be solved.

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May I suggest you not engage at all? Once upon a time when I first started to blog one of my best friends asked me who I wrote for really? Myself or the audience? If I write for an audience I am never going to make anyone happy including myself. However if I was writing for myself than those who will enjoy your writing will find you. For awhile I forgot that advice and I noticed a difference in myself as well as my writing. Or lack thereof.
I guess what I am trying to say is f*** the haters and write whatever you want. Block the jerkwad and be done with it. And again my broom is ready and gassed up. (That bit is to make 😇😇😇you smile. I know I can sometimes come across as strident and know it all.)
I am sorry Jenna my need to comfort sometimes outweighs shortness. 💜💜💜💜

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I may have described you as vanilla in past comments, I can’t remember doing so but it is possible. But please know that if I did, I did not do it in a critical or disparaging way. “Vanilla” is generally used amongst the Spanko and BDSM community to describe someone that is not into pain play or other S/m activities. If I described you as vanilla it was merely to indicate that you are someone who does not enjoy getting your ass seriously whupped or enjoy handing out serious ass whuppings to other people. It was not used in a discouraging or insulting way

Prefectdt

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You have only left me lovely comments on my blog. Please don’t worry.

I don’t really have a problem with the word “vanilla”. It makes me laugh that people get labels put on them, or on their sex life. But if vanilla is the good old basic bread and butter of sex – I would never get bored of sex in it’s simplest forms. But both Ben and I are into some kinks, and I have written in the past more openly about what we enjoy and used the kinks we enjoy in my fictional writing.

I have been upset by one person repeatedly telling me that I don’t belong, that I should not be writing erotica, that I have no idea what I am talking about, that I am boring…and levelling other accusations which I think are very unfair. I have only ever tried to be me. If that is boring to someone, I think it would just be better for them to decide not to read my posts. But to send me almost 50 comments over the past few months with repeated criticism and persistently telling me not to join in the writing prompts Marie and May and other bloggers host has really become oppressive. I think I did a great job of ignoring it for so long, but I decided I wanted to explain how I felt in as kind of a way as I could.

My way is simply to say – we all belong, we have things in common and we have things that make us unique – it’s not fair to tell the person that does not match your own preferences that they do not belong.

Maybe I am not the only person who this blogger has had a beef with. I might be making a mountain out of a molehill, but I have been so tired lately, and in a lot of pain, I just wanted to say I am fed up.

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Well said. I guess there are some fustrated people out there that feel unable to express their hate to people they know so they go on-line to vent. Don’t make the mistake of thinking it has anything at all to do with you or your writeing Jenna , you are the unlucky target but it could any blogger. Just think , you’re a hero taking one for the team👅. Love your work❤

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It horrifies me to think that someone could harass you like that. But yes….as has been said above….most people who would behave that way have something wrong with their mental health. So I think your kind way of dealing with it is exemplary. Keep your cool Jenna. There are a lot of messed up people out there.

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It is absolutely not ok for anyone to tell you that you do not belong.
Only someone incredibly insecure in themselves turns on others to tell them they are not welcome. You do your thing because your site is great Jenna. I love it. I like the mix that you feature. I look forward to your posts appearing in my Reader. You are fun loving and lovely, but also honest about some of your challenges. Do not change for anyone. You are just perfect as you are.

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Never ever let anyone else tell you what you can and can’t do, Jenna. I know the words get to you, I know how much words can hurt, having been the target of some hateful individuals. But never let them change you. Always just be you, write what you want. You have a great reader base, and many returning readers. They enjoy your posts, your raspberry ripple flavor. Please keep on sharing it!
~ Marie xox

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Thank you Marie. ❤

I have to admit, it really has been discouraging. I stopped taking part in some of the prompts I used to because this person said I had no right to give any opinion on something I did not understand. I always thought my posts were respectful, but apparently they disliked some of what I said.
Ever since they have repeatedly criticised all types of posts on my blog, but especially anything I tagged as erotic fiction or anything I shared about Ben and me. It put me off writing fiction or sharing anything too personal.

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I have been so fed up about it May. It started with them letting me know they did not enjoy my posts, but it’s become extreme and I started to realize this is not something I can just ignore any more.

It is ok not to enjoy someone’s writing, but continuously sending negative critical comments becomes disturbing behaviour. It makes me feel unsafe when someone targets you like that.

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Hi May
I only know them by their blogging pseudonym.
Ben has found something in settings that allows you to block a site.
I don’t if they are still trying to comment or if their comments are going straight to spam. I want to see them get bored and move on. There has to be so much more to life than telling me I am boring.

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I love the bakery analogy and you are quite right. There is plenty of room for us all so please don’t let someone who doesn’t really know you get to you. I realize it is so much easier said than done. The keyboard warriors have gotten to us all at some point as we share personal things that could be used against us. Just know that there are many here that enjoy what you write and support you.

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Thank you Jae Lynn ❤

I really appreciate your support…xx

I have been so fed up by it recently. When I started receiving negative comments from the individual who does not seem to like my flavour, I just tried not to worry about it. But the persistence and frequency of their comments has really got to me.

The message I got was that they don't like me or my writing – and if that is the case, that is ok. But I wish they would stop finding insulting ways to express that. I think it would be better for them just to unfollow and enjoy the bloggers that are more to their preference.

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You are a bright individual personality. I really like reading your posts. They are always unique and uplifting. If someone upsets you with their comments, just don’t read this. Walk by as if it weren’t there. Do not attach much importance to what does not matter. And I wish you success in your creative endeavors.

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