My mom is a very beautiful woman. She is tall and slim. She was mostly blonde, but she has experimented over the years and I remember vaguely seeing my mom as a brunette and with auburn hair. Nowadays, I think she prefers to stay blonde.
She has always been stylish, but she loves her dresses. She oozes femininity. I think that’s why my dad was attracted to her. Mom always had lots of admirers. She was charming and a great conversationalist – she still is.
I looked up to my mom a great deal as a child. I wanted to be like her when I grew up. I remember walking around in her shoes and wearing her lipstick.
For some odd reason, my mom (and dad) don’t seem to want to speak to me at the moment. Our relationship has been rocky for around ten years. But I don’t remember it being this bad.
It all started around the time I quite my job and broke up with my first boyfriend. Other things happened in our family that caused them a lot of stress. But they seemed to view my decisions as an expression of rebellion against them, as if I was causing them disgrace.
That was not the case at all, I was just learning more about who I was and what I wanted in life. It was not about insulting them. Since then, we have good stages and bad stages in our relationship. I don’t know why it blows hot and cold between us.
Ben said something to me the other day. He said I am turning into my mother. I was a little shocked at first, because he knows I am very upset at the moment that they won’t answer our calls. Ben said he meant physically. I can only take that as a compliment. Mom is still gorgeous, and at my age she was a knock-out. I have lots of pictures of her. Ben said I am the image of my mom.
I have ended up buying clothes just like my mom’s – pretty dresses and stilettos. I have ended up very feminine. I imitate my dad in completely different ways. He has had a diplomatic role since I was a child and Ben says that I have his charming and diplomatic way about me the way I work (most of the time – not the time I told Ben what I thought of him!)
I think Ben was trying to say something positive about the situation between my parents and I. He said that he wonders why they don’t appreciate that in many ways I do imitate them. They seem to think that every time I do something that is not identical to their tastes, it is a flagrant lack of respect.
Just over a month ago, they expressed strong disapproval over something I did. It’s hard actually for me to understand why they were so furious. We live in a world, with all sorts of opinions, beliefs, lifestyles and people respect an individual’s right to think freely and make decisions. That does not seem to be the case when it comes to the way my parent’s regard my ability to make choices.
Ben is trying to keep me positive. He keeps saying time will pass and their anger will fade. I hope so. I do love my parents. I do respect them. But I am not identical to them in all ways. I have made some of my own decisions in life, which perhaps did not meet their expectations. It was never ever my intention to make them sad. I just needed to find my own sense in purpose in life.