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Choose Very Carefully Who You Accept Advice From

I suppose when some people seek advice, they simply want to know relevant information and the available options to make their own choices. Others want someone else to tell them what to do. But please let me advise you to be cautious in your approach to the enormous amount of advice that self-proclaimed experts and gurus who feel qualified to dish it out generously.

Let me ask you a question, how much advice would you accept from someone else when it comes to decorating your home? There are some people who have a great sense of style and a talent for putting together “showcase decor”. However, who is it that is going to live in your house? Who is going to live with those choices in terms of colours, patterns, fabric, materials every single day? Who is going to have to clean that house, entertain in that house? The style guru is going to walk away. To be blunt, they will forget all about you, and your house.

One of the lines I dread hearing is… “If I were you, this is what I would do.” It is super scary. That line means that someone is going to give me advice based on their opinions, their outlook, their experience, their values, and their ideals. What follows that opening is generally horribly uncomfortable.

The simple fact is – they are not me. Their opinions, their outlook, their experience, their values and their ideals are not mine. I have learnt to graciously thank them for their well-meaning, kindly intended “ADVICE”, and then put it in the box of oddities that I try to make sure stays at the back of my mind.

However there are a few people I am glad to receive a form of advice from. Partly because, they never ever tell me what they would do if they were in my situation. Rather, they ask me questions to encourage me to think for myself. I love my close friends for allowing me to think for myself, work things out, make my own decisions – ones that I will be happy to live with. I have learnt to accept that I have to make my own choices and live with them. Advice from other people, no matter how well-meaning, has to be taken with a pinch of salt and with the full recognition that they and I are very different people.

I truly have come to appreciate them because anybody who gives advice ought to know that the other person is not you. They have their own life, their own mental health, their own wellbeing, their own relationships, their own conscience – and telling them what they ought to do – could be setting them up for disaster.

I see a lot of posts appearing from people giving advice about sex – and I roll my eyes time after time. Please never forget that they are sharing themselves with the world at large, the public domain, but they are not you. Your choices, your mental health, your conscience, your life – you are going to have to live with it. Even if they sound like they are having fun…it could so easily be a coat of bright pink gloss over timbers full of dry rot. It might look snazzy in the form of a post.

They may come across as confidant or sublimely happy with their sex life – lol – please do take it with a very big pinch of salt. Self confidence and grandiose claims in marketing are often a sham. Would you be happy with a highly acclaimed style guru who painted your entire house with bright pink gloss paint inside and out? Perhaps you would. Perhaps that is genuinely your thing. Or maybe you are shaking your head thinking to yourself “Hell no!”

You are going to have to live with yourself, far longer than you will ever have to live with a regrettable choice of decor. I know that most of us start out just wanting to be happy, wanting to be in love, wanting great sex to be part of that. For many of us, things don’t work out as we may have hoped. That can make us vulnerable to those who appear confidant and claim to know what will make us happy.

Please be cautious in your approach to advice about sex – there is a lot of advice about sex, some of it well-meaning, some of it insidiously inhumane. Wanting to be desired, to be desirable, to have physical contact, to be what somebody else wants, it can make us very vulnerable to making choices that we will find very hard to live with, perhaps for the rest of our lives.

There is only one you!

While learning about a subject, being aware of options may be one matter – copying others, heeding their mantras, allowing their tastes to dictate ours – the cost of following harmful advice….well, it is far more than the cost of re-decorating.

12 replies on “Choose Very Carefully Who You Accept Advice From”

I think it’s good to hear advice from others, but hearing it, doesn’t mean you have to follow it. In the end you should follow what fits your personality, your situation, and maybe, just maybe the advice given helped you to get to knowing what to do 🙂
~ Marie xox

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I think some people are very good at offering advice that is balanced and does not impose upon another person’s decision making. I have some friends who have always been able to offer advice in a way that opens up my eyes to other possibilities or solutions and liberates me to find the way that suits me best.

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Terrible advice is so very easy to come by! It tends to be easily recognised because it comes in a wave of fashion and then it’s popularity wanes. Most good advice is based on timeless principles.

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I think I have realized how vulnerable I was when I had very little self-worth. I wanted to be loved, and it made me do what someone else wanted. When I realized he did not really care about me at all it was crushing. I was left with a ruined conscience. I felt disgusted with myself that I had so easily been charmed by him and agreed to do things that I will always regret.

When I am in a stronger place, I can communicate and express how I feel, and make choices. When I was weak I was very easily influenced. I wish that at that time, someone had warned me of the trauma that can result when you agree to do things that are not really right for you.

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I saw an article about how Channel 4 are bringing back “Changing Room” which is rather scary! Yes, people who give advice on all sorts of subjects are often rather full of themselves and make me cringe!

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Terrifying advice out there – I could tell you some stories about patients we have had through A&E and the kind of vegetables they decided to insert in their nether regions. Complete nutcases! People who give out this kind of advice should be arrested.

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It’s like an illness Jenna. They have lost all care, all their sense, all their self-respect. They don’t care anymore. They don’t see. They don’t see they are being laughed at. They think what they are doing is exciting, edgy, wild – or something. They are entertainment for evil minds who have found them so easy to manipulate and influence.

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